[the hilarity of mandi finding his gay rat wedding marriage partner between this tag and yours, absolute peak. sakyou will be the ring bearer and gently wish them well.
BUT FOR NOW, he's just feeling deeply conflicted and trying to look as controlled about it as possible. Hilariously (or terribly), it's because it would be a fleeting thing that he's even handling it like this. In the face of someone so earnest and kind, he'd normally run. He's run before. He could soon likely count on two hands how many times he's run from Kayo alone, between meeting her and coming to care for her.
It's his kneejerk reaction, after all. To pull away, to flee, and to lash out when caught. To do everything in his power to sever bonds before they can form, to burn every bridge he crosses. He is every bit as terrible as he says. Moreso, honestly. But here, in the face of someone who will seemingly forget him regardless...]
...I don't think that you're selfish. [Far from it. He averts his gaze before continuing, hands still folded, and leans back into his own space just little.] It's just... I wish that you would listen to me. You won't be able to find anything good or worth remembering here, and I wouldn't want for you to, anyway. I don't wish to leave any mark behind when I go. I'm not like the sun, or someone whose smile is worth the price of my company. Your words are pretty, but they shouldn't be for me.
[There are so many other people who fit the bill, even here. So many people who are actually like little suns, warmth and brightness together. Such an honest, sincere person with such a big heart capable of love even now - even after everything he's gone through... That's the sort of person who deserves to spend his time among others like him.
And yet, even Sakyou struggles to turn away freely offered acceptance.]
...I enjoy spending time with you, you know. I enjoy you, as a person, as a friend... as someone dear to me, as someone who understands more than most do, for better or worse. As someone who can see and accept. Who knows what it is to lose, and to hate. We aren't perfect, you and I. We share some stains. I won't run from you, if nothing else. [He can't, rather, in this situation.] But you can understand, can't you? Why I don't wish to give or take any more than that.
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BUT FOR NOW, he's just feeling deeply conflicted and trying to look as controlled about it as possible. Hilariously (or terribly), it's because it would be a fleeting thing that he's even handling it like this. In the face of someone so earnest and kind, he'd normally run. He's run before. He could soon likely count on two hands how many times he's run from Kayo alone, between meeting her and coming to care for her.
It's his kneejerk reaction, after all. To pull away, to flee, and to lash out when caught. To do everything in his power to sever bonds before they can form, to burn every bridge he crosses. He is every bit as terrible as he says. Moreso, honestly. But here, in the face of someone who will seemingly forget him regardless...]
...I don't think that you're selfish. [Far from it. He averts his gaze before continuing, hands still folded, and leans back into his own space just little.] It's just... I wish that you would listen to me. You won't be able to find anything good or worth remembering here, and I wouldn't want for you to, anyway. I don't wish to leave any mark behind when I go. I'm not like the sun, or someone whose smile is worth the price of my company. Your words are pretty, but they shouldn't be for me.
[There are so many other people who fit the bill, even here. So many people who are actually like little suns, warmth and brightness together. Such an honest, sincere person with such a big heart capable of love even now - even after everything he's gone through... That's the sort of person who deserves to spend his time among others like him.
And yet, even Sakyou struggles to turn away freely offered acceptance.]
...I enjoy spending time with you, you know. I enjoy you, as a person, as a friend... as someone dear to me, as someone who understands more than most do, for better or worse. As someone who can see and accept. Who knows what it is to lose, and to hate. We aren't perfect, you and I. We share some stains. I won't run from you, if nothing else. [He can't, rather, in this situation.] But you can understand, can't you? Why I don't wish to give or take any more than that.
[Why he's afraid to.]