In any case, though he listens to most of this in a quiet, careful way, something fierce in him springs to life at that last statement. It is, after all, the crux of everything he wants to avoid. The passivity leaves his posture; spine straight, shoulders squared, he reaches back out for one of Mandricardo's hands. His grip isn't soft, but it isn't punishing. It's simply firm in its certainty.]
The last thing I want is for anyone to walk down that path with me. [That inevitable path, whatever form it takes, will not offer reprieve or pleasantries. He's been prepared to walk it alone for as long as he can remember.] I will not have it. It's something I cannot allow.
[The idea of someone living for him, dying for him, wanting to stay by his side through all the darkness his life will cut into... It's too much. He is afraid, for many reasons.
...But. But. If he's destined to die, and Mandricardo is destined to forget... He can't help but wonder if it would be too selfish even then, to take just a little. Just enough to think back on fondly, when the time comes to part. When Mandricardo continues on in his strange second life full of half-chances, and he continues to press forward in his bloody quest.
There's a heavy pause, in which he seems to be considering his next words carefully, teetering on the edge of two opposing desires. Then, quieter:] ...Just to have a small part of you is enough for me. If I can share just a little with you before we meet our fates... that will be enough.
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In any case, though he listens to most of this in a quiet, careful way, something fierce in him springs to life at that last statement. It is, after all, the crux of everything he wants to avoid. The passivity leaves his posture; spine straight, shoulders squared, he reaches back out for one of Mandricardo's hands. His grip isn't soft, but it isn't punishing. It's simply firm in its certainty.]
The last thing I want is for anyone to walk down that path with me. [That inevitable path, whatever form it takes, will not offer reprieve or pleasantries. He's been prepared to walk it alone for as long as he can remember.] I will not have it. It's something I cannot allow.
[The idea of someone living for him, dying for him, wanting to stay by his side through all the darkness his life will cut into... It's too much. He is afraid, for many reasons.
...But. But. If he's destined to die, and Mandricardo is destined to forget... He can't help but wonder if it would be too selfish even then, to take just a little. Just enough to think back on fondly, when the time comes to part. When Mandricardo continues on in his strange second life full of half-chances, and he continues to press forward in his bloody quest.
There's a heavy pause, in which he seems to be considering his next words carefully, teetering on the edge of two opposing desires. Then, quieter:] ...Just to have a small part of you is enough for me. If I can share just a little with you before we meet our fates... that will be enough.