That, too, is something he deeply understands. He looks for a second like he wants to reach out, but he's not a tactile person to begin with, and his hands are already occupied. The silence doesn't stretch on quite as long this time, but perhaps it's heavier than before.
Quietly, a murmur that barely sounds over the crackle of the flame:]
...Living with that is like living with a curse.
[The shackle of failure, ever chaining one to their past.]
[It almost feels like an understatement. To live with all this knowledge that everything that happened was all in vain is just like being stabbed through the heart.]
[Mandricardo looks distant.]
It's not like I could do anything about it now. The past is dead, y'know. Everyone back then from my life is either dead or...well, like me.
[It just seems futile to think about accomplishing anything right now.]
[It's a strange thing to think about - both the notion of existing so far into the future that everyone you knew is dead, and the idea of leaving the past behind even then.
He repeats once more:] One cannot leave the dead behind so easily.
[Whether it's a person or the past itself. It's hard to shake, isn't it? Even if it's futile, isn't it hard to let it go? Impossible, even?
There are other questions he wants to ask, but he doesn't know how far Mandricardo's willingness to discuss this will stretch. He's already done more than his fair share, anyway; it isn't right to ask for any more.]
...I'm sorry for asking you to discuss something so unpleasant. I was just reminded of someone I lost, earlier.
[And even like this, a Servant, a magical copy given life, and then what, having to carry the burden of memories on his back regardless? Like an unbreakable weight, pushing him down.]
[He lets out a huff, finally turning back to face Sakyou.]
It's fine. It is what it is. It's hardly like some kinda big secret. [Though it probably is, because NO ONE KNOWS HIS LEGEND AND HE'S A SIDE CHARACTER!!! SUCKS!!!!!] And someone you lost...?
[A pause.]
You don't have to answer, but...did you succeed? With yours...?
[He guesses not. "Living with that is like living a curse". It doesn't take a genius to recognize that comes from a familiar place that knows what he's been through.]
Sakyou just assumes that means his legend is very well-known wherever he came from, though! Even if he himself doesn't know it, that's par for the course given everything else.
In any case - haha, yeah. HE SURE DIDN'T. There's a flicker in his expression that speaks to that same guilt, the weight of humiliation and failure and misery that haunts like a ghost in its own right. But it's there and gone; what shines through stronger is a fierceness, a sharpness, an absolute determination that would burn down anything, including itself.
He doesn't hesitate to answer.]
No. But I will.
[He refuses to give up. He can't let it go. It won't let him go. There's simply no other way.]
To live in a world where evil like that goes unpunished... It's something I can't tolerate. I will return the suffering they've caused a hundredfold, with my own hands.
[There's a look of brief admiration, some softening of Mandricardo's expression, because even though Sakyou is, in this moment, speaking with such a burning determination that sharpens him like a bleeding sword, it's something that he's awed by. Mandricardo thought he, himself, could stand like that.]
[And then failure came, like a strangling curse, to take it all away.]
...I...I believe in your power to make that happen.
[How can he not? He may be a Heroic Spirit, but it is true heroes who he looks up to. Those who seem to shrug things off, and move ahead. Wow. That's true strength.]
[It's - a little surprising, honestly. Hearing that. He's gotten so used to the one person he's come to know trying to dissuade him at every turn that hearing encouragement is almost more startling than anything.
But it's nice, honestly. To hear that someone believes in his ability to serve justice. To know that it comes from someone who understands intimately the agony of loss, and of failure. The spiteful fire in him softens again; he's certainly nothing to admire, but the support? The acceptance? It's a nice change.
His head inclines forward a little.]
There should be no world in which the actions of the vile have no consequences. It's simply that there's no other way forward; one must continue, whatever the cost.
[He doesn't know about strength or power, but he sure has resolve in spades!! YEEHAW. Speaking of resolve, he looks down at the metal again, and:]
[wow HE EVEN SAYS IT IN A COOL WAY!! MANDRICARDO IS SHOOK]
[But more seriously, this is new to him. It wasn't as if he discussed his plans back then, when alive. Nobody stood in his way to stop it, nobody patted his back and encouraged it. Why would they? He was at the top of the world. Nobody would argue against the word of a...]
Oh. Of course. Sure. [And he's stepping forward to take the torch in hand again.] But that's right. Actions have consequences. They must come, whatever they may be.
[Even if it knocks you down, never to come up again.]
[That's the way of the world, isn't it? Actions have consequences. Consequences create cycles. It's difficult to break through them, once they've been created - and so many are created over and over again.]
Yes... Whatever they may be. [Haha!! Hah. WELL. Anyway, without further delay:] --Excuse me; I'll be treating it now.
[And giving just enough time for Mandricardo to do so if he chooses, he'll lay the blunt edge of the burning blade against the cuts running across the fingers of his left hand. It makes a disgusting sound! And also probably smells bad!! He flinches, biting the inside of his cheek, but otherwise there's no outward indication that he just seared his own skin shut. Sometimes you just do what you gotta do.
His right hand is shaking a little when he withdraws the blade, but otherwise, he seems like, disturbingly fine.]
[He flinches - how could he not, it looks and sounds so brutal, vaguely like the sounds of war - but he stays where he is with the torch. Goodness.]
[Sakyou has a will of iron on top of that sharp cutting determination? Exactly like a sword. Some people just have all the luck, it seems, to become like a weapon to their core.]
If I don't move quickly, the metal will lose too much of its heat.
[ONLY FORWARD FOR SAKYOU SAKYOUSON!!!
Which is to say, he gives the fingers on his left hand a little testing flex, before switching his grip. Right hand next; it follows the same pattern, the same sear. He'll have to tend to the burns, but with metal at this temperature, blisters aren't an issue. It's much easier to care for a surface burn than a deep, unsewn cut, moreover - and it's less dangerous than leaving something that deep bleeding.
He takes a breath in after, moving to set the sword carefully on the floor, mindful not to let it touch anything flammable.]
[Another flinch, but there it goes. The sear of burning flesh. It tickles his nose.]
H-Hold on, let me put this back and come and dress it up...
[He rushes back to return the tiki torch to the porch, before coming back. He pulls out the yellow cloth from before, long like a scarf, but tougher material than the cashmere scarf they got in the welcome backpack.]
[He tears it in half with his teeth as he approaches, making sure not to step on the sword. God, is he glad that no one else in the dorm to see this.]
[IMAGINE SOMEONE JUST WALKING IN TO THE SMELL OF BURNING FLESH AND BLOOD.
He will wait patiently while Mandricardo runs around like the helpful lad he is, though. He still feels guilty about being this burdensome, but he doesn't bother voicing it aloud again.
At the question, without a pause:]
Left, if you'd please. [He'll hold that one out! It's clear this is the hand he favors.] The right doesn't matter as much, as long as this one is fine.
[Sakyou a leftie!! Wow. He'll move ahead and wrap one piece of the cloth around the palm of the hand, not too tight as to cause terrible discomfort, but tight enough so it won't be loose. He ties it well, before gesturing for the other.]
[A leftie!! He's perfectly still while Mandricardo works, only moving to flex his fingers once it's bandaged. He then moves to pick up his sword, ensuring he can grip the blade without any fuss, and then nods.]
Thank you. [Other handsie out! What a... cute, wholesome thread.......
Eventually, quietly:]
It was my sister. [The person he'd been reminded of. Mandricardo hasn't asked and he said he wouldn't pry, but Sakyou will share, anyway. It's something to connect over, unfortunately.] She was killed along with our parents when I was young.
[He smiles ever so slightly, glad in his own handiwork, even though a part of him is worried he'll mess it up and the man just might karate chop him in the head or something for being an idiot.]
...Your sister? [His lips purse as he winds the fabric gently up and around the hand, creating layer after layer.] Along with your parents? That's...that's terrible.
[And he means it.]
...I about lost my mind when my father was killed. I-I don't know what would have happened if my siblings were, too. [And a tie of the knot as he speaks, quietly.] You've been through...a lot, Sakyou. I don't pity the guy who goes against you.
No, fortunately Sakyou is more polite than that. Even if Mandricardo did a terrible job, Sakyou would thank him, just by virtue of his being kind enough to help out at all.
He doesn't say anything about that, anyway - he probably also lost his mind, back then. He certainly lost a few other things in that moment, buried away along with his sister, his father, his mother. He's looking at their hands; watching as Mandricardo ties the cloth up nice and secure.]
They'll taste a misery worse than anything hell could give them, for what they've done. [HE SAYS SIMPLY, LIKE THIS IS NORMAL. It's fine. VENGEANCE!!]
It's a terrible thing, to have something like this in common. But I-- [Hm. He's not exactly grateful for it, or happy about it, since he wouldn't wish this kind of misery on anyone. All the same, it's a little nice, isn't it? Not feeling so alone.]
...If you should ever wish for company, or to have someone to speak to, then I can certainly do that much.
[A return favor, for the kindness he's been shown. As much as he dislikes getting entangled in the lives of others, it doesn't feel as horrid if it's someone else who understands.]
[A bitter, cruel, burning taste. Unfortunately, Mandricardo has Been There, and sees nothing wrong with what Sakyou is saying. Terrible!]
...It's okay. I mean, I admit, I-I didn't think I'd find somebody who'd...understand. I suppose.
[And he draws back, looking over the other's hands to make sure there's nothing uncovered, and then...ah. Mandricardo's cheeks blush as bright as that torch from before.]
[TERRIBLE. THERE ARE TOO MANY VENGEANCE LADS IN THIS BATHROOM. Sakyou sure will bring about much suffering!! Good to know a fellow hatted vengeance lad understands.
There's also something very hilariously endearing about this kind of reaction help. WHAT A NERD. Sakyou's still fuckin exhausted from the night's events, and it sort of shines through, but his expression is softer than it has been since they first bumped into each other.]
If it's something you wouldn't find too troublesome. It's... not an easy thing, finding someone who understands.
[Even Sakyou "no friends only lone ronin life" Sakyouson is a little loathe to let a connection like that go.]
Anyway if he was actually, like, properly socialized and knew how to handle other human beings, this is probably where he would verbally assert that Now They Are Friends. But unfortunately, he isn't!! So he just looks a little pleased and a little relieved by the fact that he wasn't just outright rejected.
He'll test the tightness of the other binding, and once satisfied, neatly folds his hands against his lap and smiles.]
To me, you've been nothing but helpful, patient and understanding.
[Maybe he's also third-rate and a villain but it's fine we don't worry about that in this house. BUT SPEAKING OF PATIENCE AND HELP--]
--I wouldn't want to cause more trouble for you than I already have, though. I should take my leave.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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Well.
That, too, is something he deeply understands. He looks for a second like he wants to reach out, but he's not a tactile person to begin with, and his hands are already occupied. The silence doesn't stretch on quite as long this time, but perhaps it's heavier than before.
Quietly, a murmur that barely sounds over the crackle of the flame:]
...Living with that is like living with a curse.
[The shackle of failure, ever chaining one to their past.]
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[It almost feels like an understatement. To live with all this knowledge that everything that happened was all in vain is just like being stabbed through the heart.]
[Mandricardo looks distant.]
It's not like I could do anything about it now. The past is dead, y'know. Everyone back then from my life is either dead or...well, like me.
[It just seems futile to think about accomplishing anything right now.]
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He repeats once more:] One cannot leave the dead behind so easily.
[Whether it's a person or the past itself. It's hard to shake, isn't it? Even if it's futile, isn't it hard to let it go? Impossible, even?
There are other questions he wants to ask, but he doesn't know how far Mandricardo's willingness to discuss this will stretch. He's already done more than his fair share, anyway; it isn't right to ask for any more.]
...I'm sorry for asking you to discuss something so unpleasant. I was just reminded of someone I lost, earlier.
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[And even like this, a Servant, a magical copy given life, and then what, having to carry the burden of memories on his back regardless? Like an unbreakable weight, pushing him down.]
[He lets out a huff, finally turning back to face Sakyou.]
It's fine. It is what it is. It's hardly like some kinda big secret. [Though it probably is, because NO ONE KNOWS HIS LEGEND AND HE'S A SIDE CHARACTER!!! SUCKS!!!!!] And someone you lost...?
[A pause.]
You don't have to answer, but...did you succeed? With yours...?
[He guesses not. "Living with that is like living a curse". It doesn't take a genius to recognize that comes from a familiar place that knows what he's been through.]
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Sakyou just assumes that means his legend is very well-known wherever he came from, though! Even if he himself doesn't know it, that's par for the course given everything else.
In any case - haha, yeah. HE SURE DIDN'T. There's a flicker in his expression that speaks to that same guilt, the weight of humiliation and failure and misery that haunts like a ghost in its own right. But it's there and gone; what shines through stronger is a fierceness, a sharpness, an absolute determination that would burn down anything, including itself.
He doesn't hesitate to answer.]
No. But I will.
[He refuses to give up. He can't let it go. It won't let him go. There's simply no other way.]
To live in a world where evil like that goes unpunished... It's something I can't tolerate. I will return the suffering they've caused a hundredfold, with my own hands.
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[There's a look of brief admiration, some softening of Mandricardo's expression, because even though Sakyou is, in this moment, speaking with such a burning determination that sharpens him like a bleeding sword, it's something that he's awed by. Mandricardo thought he, himself, could stand like that.]
[And then failure came, like a strangling curse, to take it all away.]
...I...I believe in your power to make that happen.
[How can he not? He may be a Heroic Spirit, but it is true heroes who he looks up to. Those who seem to shrug things off, and move ahead. Wow. That's true strength.]
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But it's nice, honestly. To hear that someone believes in his ability to serve justice. To know that it comes from someone who understands intimately the agony of loss, and of failure. The spiteful fire in him softens again; he's certainly nothing to admire, but the support? The acceptance? It's a nice change.
His head inclines forward a little.]
There should be no world in which the actions of the vile have no consequences. It's simply that there's no other way forward; one must continue, whatever the cost.
[He doesn't know about strength or power, but he sure has resolve in spades!! YEEHAW. Speaking of resolve, he looks down at the metal again, and:]
--May you hold this?
[The torch, which he holds out.]
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[But more seriously, this is new to him. It wasn't as if he discussed his plans back then, when alive. Nobody stood in his way to stop it, nobody patted his back and encouraged it. Why would they? He was at the top of the world. Nobody would argue against the word of a...]
Oh. Of course. Sure. [And he's stepping forward to take the torch in hand again.] But that's right. Actions have consequences. They must come, whatever they may be.
[Even if it knocks you down, never to come up again.]
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Yes... Whatever they may be. [Haha!! Hah. WELL. Anyway, without further delay:] --Excuse me; I'll be treating it now.
[And giving just enough time for Mandricardo to do so if he chooses, he'll lay the blunt edge of the burning blade against the cuts running across the fingers of his left hand. It makes a disgusting sound! And also probably smells bad!! He flinches, biting the inside of his cheek, but otherwise there's no outward indication that he just seared his own skin shut. Sometimes you just do what you gotta do.
His right hand is shaking a little when he withdraws the blade, but otherwise, he seems like, disturbingly fine.]
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[Sakyou has a will of iron on top of that sharp cutting determination? Exactly like a sword. Some people just have all the luck, it seems, to become like a weapon to their core.]
...Hey, take a break if you need to.
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[ONLY FORWARD FOR SAKYOU SAKYOUSON!!!
Which is to say, he gives the fingers on his left hand a little testing flex, before switching his grip. Right hand next; it follows the same pattern, the same sear. He'll have to tend to the burns, but with metal at this temperature, blisters aren't an issue. It's much easier to care for a surface burn than a deep, unsewn cut, moreover - and it's less dangerous than leaving something that deep bleeding.
He takes a breath in after, moving to set the sword carefully on the floor, mindful not to let it touch anything flammable.]
That should be enough.
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[GO FOR IT REVENGE MAN]]
[Another flinch, but there it goes. The sear of burning flesh. It tickles his nose.]
H-Hold on, let me put this back and come and dress it up...
[He rushes back to return the tiki torch to the porch, before coming back. He pulls out the yellow cloth from before, long like a scarf, but tougher material than the cashmere scarf they got in the welcome backpack.]
[He tears it in half with his teeth as he approaches, making sure not to step on the sword. God, is he glad that no one else in the dorm to see this.]
Which one do you want me to wrap first?
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He will wait patiently while Mandricardo runs around like the helpful lad he is, though. He still feels guilty about being this burdensome, but he doesn't bother voicing it aloud again.
At the question, without a pause:]
Left, if you'd please. [He'll hold that one out! It's clear this is the hand he favors.] The right doesn't matter as much, as long as this one is fine.
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[Sakyou a leftie!! Wow. He'll move ahead and wrap one piece of the cloth around the palm of the hand, not too tight as to cause terrible discomfort, but tight enough so it won't be loose. He ties it well, before gesturing for the other.]
It's okay, right? Anyways, I'll do the next one.
no subject
Thank you. [Other handsie out! What a... cute, wholesome thread.......
Eventually, quietly:]
It was my sister. [The person he'd been reminded of. Mandricardo hasn't asked and he said he wouldn't pry, but Sakyou will share, anyway. It's something to connect over, unfortunately.] She was killed along with our parents when I was young.
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...Your sister? [His lips purse as he winds the fabric gently up and around the hand, creating layer after layer.] Along with your parents? That's...that's terrible.
[And he means it.]
...I about lost my mind when my father was killed. I-I don't know what would have happened if my siblings were, too. [And a tie of the knot as he speaks, quietly.] You've been through...a lot, Sakyou. I don't pity the guy who goes against you.
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No, fortunately Sakyou is more polite than that. Even if Mandricardo did a terrible job, Sakyou would thank him, just by virtue of his being kind enough to help out at all.
He doesn't say anything about that, anyway - he probably also lost his mind, back then. He certainly lost a few other things in that moment, buried away along with his sister, his father, his mother. He's looking at their hands; watching as Mandricardo ties the cloth up nice and secure.]
They'll taste a misery worse than anything hell could give them, for what they've done. [HE SAYS SIMPLY, LIKE THIS IS NORMAL. It's fine. VENGEANCE!!]
It's a terrible thing, to have something like this in common. But I-- [Hm. He's not exactly grateful for it, or happy about it, since he wouldn't wish this kind of misery on anyone. All the same, it's a little nice, isn't it? Not feeling so alone.]
...If you should ever wish for company, or to have someone to speak to, then I can certainly do that much.
[A return favor, for the kindness he's been shown. As much as he dislikes getting entangled in the lives of others, it doesn't feel as horrid if it's someone else who understands.]
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[A bitter, cruel, burning taste. Unfortunately, Mandricardo has Been There, and sees nothing wrong with what Sakyou is saying. Terrible!]
...It's okay. I mean, I admit, I-I didn't think I'd find somebody who'd...understand. I suppose.
[And he draws back, looking over the other's hands to make sure there's nothing uncovered, and then...ah. Mandricardo's cheeks blush as bright as that torch from before.]
Y-Y-You would? With me?
[YES IDIOT, WITH YOU]
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There's also something very hilariously endearing about this kind of reaction help. WHAT A NERD. Sakyou's still fuckin exhausted from the night's events, and it sort of shines through, but his expression is softer than it has been since they first bumped into each other.]
If it's something you wouldn't find too troublesome. It's... not an easy thing, finding someone who understands.
[Even Sakyou "no friends only lone ronin life" Sakyouson is a little loathe to let a connection like that go.]
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[But flustered, he glances in between them, before looking back up, catching that soft expression.]
...I'm just a third-rate and a villain. But...yeah. Like you said. It's nice to know someone sees what you've been through.
[He nods.]
[Of course.]
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Anyway if he was actually, like, properly socialized and knew how to handle other human beings, this is probably where he would verbally assert that Now They Are Friends. But unfortunately, he isn't!! So he just looks a little pleased and a little relieved by the fact that he wasn't just outright rejected.
He'll test the tightness of the other binding, and once satisfied, neatly folds his hands against his lap and smiles.]
To me, you've been nothing but helpful, patient and understanding.
[Maybe he's also third-rate and a villain but it's fine we don't worry about that in this house. BUT SPEAKING OF PATIENCE AND HELP--]
--I wouldn't want to cause more trouble for you than I already have, though. I should take my leave.