[Wow, two of them! Sakyou's expression is exactly the same, though instead of staring out into nothing, he's looking at the sword at his hip. He still manages to walk with some measure of purpose, even though he's wandering as much as most of them are.
...But he'll look up when Mandricardo joins him, and some of that careful blankness fades, shifting instead to concern. He'd actually left pretty swiftly after the results, but he'd probably heard about The Drama at some point. Goddamn yall.
...
Quietly, he touches the back of Mandricardo's hand.]
[It reminds him all of a previous conversation he had with Sakyou. That maybe, one couldn't trust anyone here. Byleth....his Master, the person he swore to serve, turned out to be a killer.]
[The fact that she admitted it so openly...........]
[Sakyou touches his hand. And after a moment, he shifts his hand to grip the other's hand, like holding onto a lifeline.]
[Maybe Sakyou will betray him. Maybe its wrong to continue to trust, to open his heart, try to push aside pessimism to try to believe in others.]
Sakyou doesn't seem to react to the strength of the grip so much as the emotions behind it. His steps slow, until eventually he comes to a stop. He hadn't been going anywhere in particular, anyway.]
...I'm sorry.
[He doesn't know what else to say, but boy does he know how badly it sucks to have your trust betrayed in that kind of way. Even knowing the killers are probably acting on some different information compared to the rest of them, it's still a betrayal.]
[He stops too. Wouldn't it be better, to be an actual ghost? Being a Servant is a joke. Summoned after failures, given a so-called second chance, and now experiencing failure after failure again.]
[He feels like he's the punchline of a very tasteless joke.]
...Don't apologize.
[He says, with a weak shake of his head.]
I almost feel like I need to apologize to everyone. For...I don't know.
[Letting it to happen? How would he have known? He doesn't know.]
[His lips purse briefly, and he reaches for Mandricardo's other hands, so that both of them are being held. For a moment, his expression toes the border of something angry. It's not directed at Mandricardo himself, so much as at this situation.
At the people who put them here. The people who put them through this.
The ones who sit wherever they are, safe from harm, safe from the cruelties of this place, and watch as they all dance along to some horrific script that plays out no matter how hard they try to stop it.
He would bleed anyone involved dry in less than half a second, if given even the smallest chance.]
Don't apologize. You have nothing to apologize for.
[And once again, the emblazoned words on his body weeks ago comes back, like a haunt. The realization that in the end, nothing you said or did really mattered. He played a role, and it ended up backfiring in his face.]
[She told him once that "we're both getting out".]
[Now, he's not so sure of that.]
I wish this was over. [He looks down at their hands. Sakyou has nice hands, even if he knows what they have wrought, what they both have wrought. Bloodied hands, the both of them.] I'm tired of all of this.
[Yeah, mood! He also does!! It feels terrible to feel like everything is so far out of your control, and like every answer that could help is just out of reach.
He gives Mandricardo's hands a squeeze, gaze dropping away.]
...It feels as though whatever move we make, whatever choice or decision we come to - it's something that's already been planned in advance, or anticipated.
[And he hates that almost more than the cruelty as it manifests. That they all feel like puppets on a stage.]
...I want to find the person in charge of this and bash them against a wall.
[He says, his words as sharp as a sword. Because playing with people's lives is...evil. Cruel. Sociopathic. It is cruelty that even he, a man who once looked down on other people's lives and slayed them on the pure whim of fury and anger, can't understand.]
[He squeezes Sakyou's hands in return, like an answer to some unsaid question.]
I can't stand it. None of us are pawns on a chessboard to be played around with.
[Though not much about Sakyou's expression changes, it flickers back to life again - that nearly ever-present fury that he seems steeped in. The rage that burns through his bones, through his chest. The fire that sits in his gut, keeping him alive.
His voice is firm and absolute, merciless in its certainty.]
We will find them, and they will face no mercy. They will suffer so thoroughly that they would never recover from it, should they be granted the kindness of life. But as it's a kindness, they won't get even that. They can bury their faces in the dirt at the feet of those whose lives they've ended and beg until they rot.
[Forget about bashing them against the wall! Sakyou's a sadist at heart and he gains great satisfaction from causing as much misery as possible in people who have done him and his wrong.]
[Maybe a few weeks ago, Mandricardo would've balked at the thought of it. Now, weeks after experienced death after death, after going to new lows, reliving the past of a king who took what was his through force and power...]
[Its hard not to slip back into that mindset, just a little. And especially now, when he's this angry and upset.]
They don't deserve something like kindness. We've received none, after all.
[Sometimes you just shake hands over being Occasionally Brutal and that's okay(???) or at the very least, not as bad as it could be.
Sakyou doesn't look very pleased, even so. But he often doesn't - he's especially grim for now, when things are looking dire and even farther out of their control than ever before. Thinking of eviscerating those responsible helps a bit, but it's like throwing an ice cube into a frying pan.]
We've received none, so they will receive even less.
[(sakyou voice) pewwish
He gives the hands in his own another squeeze, this time a little tighter than before, like he's trying not to let too much of his rage seep out from him.]
...In the meantime, though, we must do what we can to save as many as possible.
[Sometimes you are trying your best to stay the course and be a good proper Servant but then murder nonsense happens and its like. Kirby is Fucking Pissed, now.]
[And they sure are just standing here holding hands. Another squeeze in return, and a lean in, forehead just resting against the other's as he closes his eyes.]
We'll do it. [He has to bite back his pessimism here. He can't allow himself to fall back into the same patterns.] We have to. I won't accept anything less.
They sure are though, damn. Being the same height makes it very easy for forehead bumps, too! Sakyou also closes his eyes somewhat reflexively at the gesture, taking a breath in and holding it for a moment. Trying to grasp that fine control again - trying to keep the cut of rage at bay.
It's always harder to put it back after it escapes than keep it contained in the first place.]
Neither will I.
[He's also pessimistic. A naturally dour person. But when it comes to certain things, he's more stubborn than anyone. He'll refuse to let go until it's impossible to hold on anymore.
There's a beat of silence, then.]
...But I have to ask. What about Byleth-dono? What do you think should be done?
On one hand...I pledged to be her Servant. Someone to fight for her, be her strength. And I... [He pauses.] Care for her. Cared for her. Shit, I don't know.
[How can one care, when it feels like everything's been turned upside-down? His gaze grows more bitter.]
On the other hand...she helped kill Bradley. She killed Crow. She's been in this mess the entire time, lying to us. She wasn't...controlled. I don't get that feeling. But fuck, I don't know. A part of me thinks she has to be punished, killed, so she won't kill again. A part of me wants to detain her for information, but...she still has allies here, allies who would free her. I don't...think she should be allowed to just wander around like nothing matters.
[He just doesn't know. Mandricardo's eyes close, his shoulders hitching upwards. Its hard, when its someone you cared for, and someone you know can and probably will hurt others again. What if she kills someone like Sakyou, next? How could he live with that?]
[There's the barest of pauses; he doesn't let go of Mandricardo's hands, but he does pull back a little so he can look him in the face.]
I do believe that those who kill together are working on different information from the rest of us. What that is, I don't yet know - but I wish to believe that they would not kill for a small prize or a paltry victory.
[He just has... no idea what they might be killing for, and that makes it impossible to give them the benefit of the doubt, even if they all seem like caring people so far. That said... his gaze briefly averts, flicking down to his blade.]
But she will kill again, of that I'm nearly certain. Regardless of her reasons for taking lives, she must take responsibility for it. I think she would agree, to be honest. [...] That said, while I disagree with the cruelty of expulsion, I believe that would be our best option. The vote. One should only take action to take her life personally if they are willing to take responsibility for it, or they may send an innocent person to the noose in their stead.
[Then they have a whole week to potentially interrogate her, too! Though he doesn't think that'll work.]
No, I don't think so, either. Has to be big. Maybe as big as that damn "universe" that the Dorm Wars are promising.
[Which he still doesn't believe in. It seems too far-fetched...but then again, isn't everything in this place far-fetched.]
[He gazes at Sakyou, his gaze following his to the blade, then back to Sakyou again. His expression hardens - the best option would be the vote, yes. But at the same time...]
Hm.
[Whatever thought he has is unsaid, as he gazes down at their hands. Sakyou's grip is...comforting. Its so strange, because he's learned so much about Sakyou, about how deep the rage goes, how sharp his determination is, and yet...he can't see him as anything but a place of solace. Its funny, how running towards a person who is all too similar to yourself can actually make you feel...at peace.]
We will have to see what happens. In the meantime, we know a little more. We'll...know even more. And we...have to do our best to keep everyone safe.
[Yeah, he also still doesn't believe it! So he thinks it might be something else, considering Rupert and Byleth both seem to be pretty level-headed people...
He doesn't bother voicing that aloud for now, though.]
A little more is better than nothing at all. But that should be our biggest priority - keeping as many people safe as possible. Getting as many out of here alive as we can.
[He Can and he Will stake his life on it, even though he won't be happy about having to tap out of his personal vengeance quest. God. He hates it here!! After a moment though, he'll raise their hands a little, looking back.]
...Still. I wasn't aware the two of you were so close. I'm sorry that you have to experience such a thing...
[Once again, ruminating over that though. Keep people safe. They have to keep people safe. But there are still killers out there, and it's getting harder to just sit back, enjoy classes, and think about them roaming free.]
[...]
[He pulls his hands out of the grip, only to shift them back again, palm to palm, intertwining their fingers. He looks...sullen.]
...A Servant always serves their Master, you know? And I was happy. She always treated me kindly. [And a long pause.] Even now, I still can't put it together. The Byleth that I knew, and Byleth the killer. It seems wrong.
[A pause.]
This place really brings out the worst of us, doesn't it, Sakyou...?
[Sullen and dour, their matching expressions! Sakyou looks distant for a moment, but doesn't pull his hands away. His fingers curl, careful, and his eyes fix onto them briefly.]
It does. But the worst parts of us are still us.
[Sometimes, you can be kind and also a ruthless killer! That honestly describes like 90% of the people here, wow, awful.
But he's feeling sore about Byleth still, so he'll just sit on any softer sentiment and keep it to himself.]
I don't think it's impossible to like and dislike a person at the same time, for the many things they do.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
w3 post trial
[He just feels....................everything. All at once. And nothing at all.]
[He'll just go to walk besides the other, his face like a mask.]
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...But he'll look up when Mandricardo joins him, and some of that careful blankness fades, shifting instead to concern. He'd actually left pretty swiftly after the results, but he'd probably heard about The Drama at some point. Goddamn yall.
...
Quietly, he touches the back of Mandricardo's hand.]
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[He doesn't say anything, still.]
[It reminds him all of a previous conversation he had with Sakyou. That maybe, one couldn't trust anyone here. Byleth....his Master, the person he swore to serve, turned out to be a killer.]
[The fact that she admitted it so openly...........]
[Sakyou touches his hand. And after a moment, he shifts his hand to grip the other's hand, like holding onto a lifeline.]
[Maybe Sakyou will betray him. Maybe its wrong to continue to trust, to open his heart, try to push aside pessimism to try to believe in others.]
[But he still wants it.]
[He wants it so badly.]
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Sakyou doesn't seem to react to the strength of the grip so much as the emotions behind it. His steps slow, until eventually he comes to a stop. He hadn't been going anywhere in particular, anyway.]
...I'm sorry.
[He doesn't know what else to say, but boy does he know how badly it sucks to have your trust betrayed in that kind of way. Even knowing the killers are probably acting on some different information compared to the rest of them, it's still a betrayal.]
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[He feels like he's the punchline of a very tasteless joke.]
...Don't apologize.
[He says, with a weak shake of his head.]
I almost feel like I need to apologize to everyone. For...I don't know.
[Letting it to happen? How would he have known? He doesn't know.]
[As if he could have prevented this, somehow.]
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At the people who put them here. The people who put them through this.
The ones who sit wherever they are, safe from harm, safe from the cruelties of this place, and watch as they all dance along to some horrific script that plays out no matter how hard they try to stop it.
He would bleed anyone involved dry in less than half a second, if given even the smallest chance.]
Don't apologize. You have nothing to apologize for.
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[And once again, the emblazoned words on his body weeks ago comes back, like a haunt. The realization that in the end, nothing you said or did really mattered. He played a role, and it ended up backfiring in his face.]
[She told him once that "we're both getting out".]
[Now, he's not so sure of that.]
I wish this was over. [He looks down at their hands. Sakyou has nice hands, even if he knows what they have wrought, what they both have wrought. Bloodied hands, the both of them.] I'm tired of all of this.
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He gives Mandricardo's hands a squeeze, gaze dropping away.]
...It feels as though whatever move we make, whatever choice or decision we come to - it's something that's already been planned in advance, or anticipated.
[And he hates that almost more than the cruelty as it manifests. That they all feel like puppets on a stage.]
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[He says, his words as sharp as a sword. Because playing with people's lives is...evil. Cruel. Sociopathic. It is cruelty that even he, a man who once looked down on other people's lives and slayed them on the pure whim of fury and anger, can't understand.]
[He squeezes Sakyou's hands in return, like an answer to some unsaid question.]
I can't stand it. None of us are pawns on a chessboard to be played around with.
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His voice is firm and absolute, merciless in its certainty.]
We will find them, and they will face no mercy. They will suffer so thoroughly that they would never recover from it, should they be granted the kindness of life. But as it's a kindness, they won't get even that. They can bury their faces in the dirt at the feet of those whose lives they've ended and beg until they rot.
[Forget about bashing them against the wall! Sakyou's a sadist at heart and he gains great satisfaction from causing as much misery as possible in people who have done him and his wrong.]
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[Maybe a few weeks ago, Mandricardo would've balked at the thought of it. Now, weeks after experienced death after death, after going to new lows, reliving the past of a king who took what was his through force and power...]
[Its hard not to slip back into that mindset, just a little. And especially now, when he's this angry and upset.]
They don't deserve something like kindness. We've received none, after all.
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Sakyou doesn't look very pleased, even so. But he often doesn't - he's especially grim for now, when things are looking dire and even farther out of their control than ever before. Thinking of eviscerating those responsible helps a bit, but it's like throwing an ice cube into a frying pan.]
We've received none, so they will receive even less.
[(sakyou voice) pewwish
He gives the hands in his own another squeeze, this time a little tighter than before, like he's trying not to let too much of his rage seep out from him.]
...In the meantime, though, we must do what we can to save as many as possible.
no subject
[Sometimes you are trying your best to stay the course and be a good proper Servant but then murder nonsense happens and its like. Kirby is Fucking Pissed, now.]
[And they sure are just standing here holding hands. Another squeeze in return, and a lean in, forehead just resting against the other's as he closes his eyes.]
We'll do it. [He has to bite back his pessimism here. He can't allow himself to fall back into the same patterns.] We have to. I won't accept anything less.
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They sure are though, damn. Being the same height makes it very easy for forehead bumps, too! Sakyou also closes his eyes somewhat reflexively at the gesture, taking a breath in and holding it for a moment. Trying to grasp that fine control again - trying to keep the cut of rage at bay.
It's always harder to put it back after it escapes than keep it contained in the first place.]
Neither will I.
[He's also pessimistic. A naturally dour person. But when it comes to certain things, he's more stubborn than anyone. He'll refuse to let go until it's impossible to hold on anymore.
There's a beat of silence, then.]
...But I have to ask. What about Byleth-dono? What do you think should be done?
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[His expression sours.]
On one hand...I pledged to be her Servant. Someone to fight for her, be her strength. And I... [He pauses.] Care for her. Cared for her. Shit, I don't know.
[How can one care, when it feels like everything's been turned upside-down? His gaze grows more bitter.]
On the other hand...she helped kill Bradley. She killed Crow. She's been in this mess the entire time, lying to us. She wasn't...controlled. I don't get that feeling. But fuck, I don't know. A part of me thinks she has to be punished, killed, so she won't kill again. A part of me wants to detain her for information, but...she still has allies here, allies who would free her. I don't...think she should be allowed to just wander around like nothing matters.
[He just doesn't know. Mandricardo's eyes close, his shoulders hitching upwards. Its hard, when its someone you cared for, and someone you know can and probably will hurt others again. What if she kills someone like Sakyou, next? How could he live with that?]
What do you think, Sakyou?
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I do believe that those who kill together are working on different information from the rest of us. What that is, I don't yet know - but I wish to believe that they would not kill for a small prize or a paltry victory.
[He just has... no idea what they might be killing for, and that makes it impossible to give them the benefit of the doubt, even if they all seem like caring people so far. That said... his gaze briefly averts, flicking down to his blade.]
But she will kill again, of that I'm nearly certain. Regardless of her reasons for taking lives, she must take responsibility for it. I think she would agree, to be honest. [...] That said, while I disagree with the cruelty of expulsion, I believe that would be our best option. The vote. One should only take action to take her life personally if they are willing to take responsibility for it, or they may send an innocent person to the noose in their stead.
[Then they have a whole week to potentially interrogate her, too! Though he doesn't think that'll work.]
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[Which he still doesn't believe in. It seems too far-fetched...but then again, isn't everything in this place far-fetched.]
[He gazes at Sakyou, his gaze following his to the blade, then back to Sakyou again. His expression hardens - the best option would be the vote, yes. But at the same time...]
Hm.
[Whatever thought he has is unsaid, as he gazes down at their hands. Sakyou's grip is...comforting. Its so strange, because he's learned so much about Sakyou, about how deep the rage goes, how sharp his determination is, and yet...he can't see him as anything but a place of solace. Its funny, how running towards a person who is all too similar to yourself can actually make you feel...at peace.]
We will have to see what happens. In the meantime, we know a little more. We'll...know even more. And we...have to do our best to keep everyone safe.
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[Yeah, he also still doesn't believe it! So he thinks it might be something else, considering Rupert and Byleth both seem to be pretty level-headed people...
He doesn't bother voicing that aloud for now, though.]
A little more is better than nothing at all. But that should be our biggest priority - keeping as many people safe as possible. Getting as many out of here alive as we can.
[He Can and he Will stake his life on it, even though he won't be happy about having to tap out of his personal vengeance quest. God. He hates it here!! After a moment though, he'll raise their hands a little, looking back.]
...Still. I wasn't aware the two of you were so close. I'm sorry that you have to experience such a thing...
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[...]
[He pulls his hands out of the grip, only to shift them back again, palm to palm, intertwining their fingers. He looks...sullen.]
...A Servant always serves their Master, you know? And I was happy. She always treated me kindly. [And a long pause.] Even now, I still can't put it together. The Byleth that I knew, and Byleth the killer. It seems wrong.
[A pause.]
This place really brings out the worst of us, doesn't it, Sakyou...?
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It does. But the worst parts of us are still us.
[Sometimes, you can be kind and also a ruthless killer! That honestly describes like 90% of the people here, wow, awful.
But he's feeling sore about Byleth still, so he'll just sit on any softer sentiment and keep it to himself.]
I don't think it's impossible to like and dislike a person at the same time, for the many things they do.