[What can he say to that? That's right. There's so much going on beneath the surface, here. Like staring into dark waters, and trying to parse if there's a shark there or not.]
[He notices the melancholy look on the other's face, though, and nudges his shoulder.]
Hey. You alright? Sorry for the gloomy talk, again...
[At the mention of reliving the past, he just sort of drops into a brief silence before sighing. Just a little huff of a sound, and he moves on without saying anything, simply focusing on the screen to watch as Mandricardo taps it.]
Memorial photographs, I suppose. The people we've lost... What it means to be remembered.
[That's right. Sakyou not wanting connections...as if to erase himself from the lives of people. And yet photographs are lasting. A precious artifact, capturing a moment in time.]
[He pauses to look over at him.]
Those memorials for the dead...did you have a hand in making them?
Their last picture will be a very adorable one in which Sakyou looks mildly surprised, but like, in a pleasant way. It's a sweet gesture, and one he doesn't dislike, considering he's huffing out a soft little laugh as that surprise fades. The outside of the booth gets to whirring work, printing their photos. Are they still holding hands?? Were they holding hands this whole time, very funny.
Anyway, Sakyou is a terrible tease in his punkass heart, so he just leans into Mandricardo's side a little.]
[A little bit of the teasing edge leaves his tone at that, and he's quiet for a second.]
...It's strange, and perhaps an unkind thing to say, given how many tears this place has wrung from other so far... But I think I've had more reason to smile here than I have in years.
[He feels guilty about it! Guilty as hell! But it's also not... entirely bad.
Very sad though perhaps considering how few and far between and very very tiny his smiles are even now.]
[Sometimes you are just two lads who don't smile a lot!
Thank god it's not emoshare week yet though because he'd be a hotass mess in this moment. A big ol' conflicting ball of emotions, some positive and most negative just because that's the type of creature he is.
His free hand raises, and he gently rests it against the side of Mandricardo's face for just a second.]
...Then I'm glad that I could at least do this much for you.
[It feels nice, knowing that you've brought something positive to the world. That you've made even one person smile.]
[Because he always feels like he doesn't do enough. That he's never good enough. There Sakyou stands, and he wants to move the world with all of his might to make it okay.]
[He stares at Sakyou for a long moment, lips trembling.]
You're so beautiful, you know? [He always has been. Even from the very beginning.] I really just...I really just...I want to make you feel good.
[Even if its with a third-rate like him. He leans against that hand, voice wavering. It's easy to get emotional, his eyes glistening with tears.]
I want to kiss away all of your sorrow, and make you feel safe in my arms. I want to be strong enough for that.
[If just accepting a friend who refuses to let go is difficult for him, this is an even greater challenge. Once again, good thing it isn't emotion bleed week yet! Because boy, his feelings are just a giant tangled mess in this moment. Even without that being something he can share, his expression is briefly stricken, like each sweet word has fallen on him like a fist.
It's a terrible thing, for someone to want to treat you well when you believe yourself to deserve not a single scrap of good or comfort. It's awful to feel guilty for wanting to be selfish and enjoy it, and to feel selfish for wanting to turn it away. But what can he do?
What can he do, when every option and every action and every decision he makes seems to end the same way? With the people he's come to care for, upset and hurting?
It's hard to pick out a specific emotion after that stricken look passes. The hand against his face has stilled; after a moment, he gently pulls the other away from where it holds Mandricardo's, so that he can hold his face in both hands, like a careful cradle. I want to kiss away all of your sorrow. Could something like that be done? He doesn't think so.
But he leans forward anyway, driven by his selfishness and his own hurt, and - presses his lips just below one of Mandricardo's eyes, against the ridge of his cheekbone. Featherlight. He closes his own and sighs.]
...Please don't make a face like that for someone like me. It's too much.
[Everything is too much. He's still reeling from the revelation about his Master, reeling from every death that comes to their door. Mandricardo thinks he's exhausted his library of emotion every day of every week, and still, this place brings more. It feels like a flood he can't help but drown himself in, and drowning would be a fitting fate, he feels. Just to drown, and not have to worry anymore.]
[He's expecting for the rejection, as always, because what little confidence he has won't allow him some measure of happiness without putting himself down, first. So the touch that comes, the kiss that's placed gently below his eyes, makes him tremble with shock and surprise.]
Then what face do you want me to look at you, with? I won't look at you with disdain, or hatred, if that's what you think.
[His own hand moves, cherishing, between Sakyou's hands to trail a finger down the side of his face. Goodness. He's hopeless, isn't he? His finger moves to press against the bottom of Sakyou's chin, and he closes the distance then, eyes lidded, as he kisses him properly on the lips, a sweet, gentle kiss.]
[He murmurs as he draws back, his cheeks burning, a tear trickling down his face.]
I couldn't. [And a sigh of his own.] I never could. You're...too important to me, y'know?
[Even after Byleth, it's funny. Maybe Sakyou could stab him in the gut, here and now, and...]
[He'd still be happy, even as he dies. What a lovesick fool he is.]
[The kindness he's allowing himself now is no more and no less than this: to enjoy the warmth of a kiss from a cherished person for the moments that it lasts. To build, for just those seconds, a little place of comfort where he can pretend that he's worthy of anything soft and sweet.
And then it's over. He leans back, gently wiping at the tear with his palm, and then moving to pull his hands away.]
You're too stubborn and too kind. [Bluntly. Fondly. Exhausted.] ...I wish that you wouldn't be. Not toward me. I would feel more at ease with your anger or disdain, I think. Even your hatred.
[Because then, at least, he would know that Mandricardo could stay far outside of the exhaustive radius of destruction around him. He's more used to those things, anyway. Indifference at best, spite and fear and disgust at worst.
Warmth reminds him too much of the people who lead kinder lives, and deserve to keep those lives safe. Or simply those who deserve such things, if they don't already have them.
Like Kayo. Like Suzukake. Like so many others here, who his heart aches for.
There's a little flicker of a half-smile.]
I'll keep the memories you've been good enough to give me and take no more.
[He is stubborn, yes. Hotheaded, like a bull, even though his uncertainty may seem like he's not. But he's sure now, frowning as he moves his hand away from the other's chin to tuck some hair behind an ear.]
You have to take more. I want you to take more. I only exist as something temporary, you know. When I die, I won't remember you.
[And it breaks his heart, to think that all of those memories will be lost, like water down a drain. Another tear trickles down his cheek.]
So for the time I'm here...I give you permission to have whatever you want out of me. I...want it, Sakyou. Because I don't...want to die knowing I didn't do enough for you. When you're happy...I'm happy.
[WHEN A STUBBORN IMMOVABLE OBJECT AND A STUBBORN UNSTOPPABLE FORCE MEET...
It stings - it really settles under his skin like a splinter of metal, digging in and leaving him irate. Not at Mandricardo so much as himself, of course. At his own inability to easily turn down things that he knows he should. It gets harder and harder with each day to stick as strongly to his will to keep others at bay as he'd like. He'd talked about it before, once, with Kayo. If he stays in a dream for too long, then of course he would never want to wake up. It's a pleasant thought that he can't afford, and that he can't let anyone else suffer through on his behalf.
He watches the tear, folding his hands together to tamp down on the desire to reach out and wipe that away, too.]
You've already made me happy. Any amount is more than I would have ever expected, or could deserve in this life.
[There's a second where it looks like he might try for a smile, but he quickly abandons the notion and instead fixes Mandricardo with a careful look that gives little away.]
...I dislike the idea of you dying at all. I wish that there was some way to allow you to hold on to your memories, should you want to keep them, too... But if what you have is what you have, then I hope for it to be something you can think of well, should your last moments come. Do you really think the time you have now would be improved if I took up more of it?
[A rhetorical question, for the most part. He's still hoping Mandricardo will reconsider his stance even now, even after seeing how stubborn he can be.]
[That's the thing with Mandricardo - that above all, he's sincere. He's bad at lying, and is blunt and to the point. He cannot manipulate, or pretend he is something he isn't. He's drawn to the sincerity in others, which is why betrayal hits as hard as it does.]
[With Sakyou, however, he can tell there's a troubled soul, there, like himself, who swims through the dark sea of self-loathing and restrained fury. He knows Sakyou wants to hide it, to put it away so that it won't hurt others, and that fact makes it hurt deep inside of his chest. Sakyou deserves...better. He deserves more. To turn and see something bright, and enjoy it like a precious jewel, even if its only for a little while.]
[Mandricardo lifts up his hand to wipe away his own tear.]
Maybe you might think me selfish for that. But what I do, I do for you, y'know? And...I'm greedy, you know. I want more of your smiles. I want more time to just sit with you, and spend time with you, and...see how you're at peace, even for a moment.
[A long sigh, his eyes turning down to the other's hands.]
I don't want more of this place in my memories. I've had enough of that. I want you. I...just want you. Everything that you are. Even what you see as your darkness. I want that too.
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...Yeah.
[What can he say to that? That's right. There's so much going on beneath the surface, here. Like staring into dark waters, and trying to parse if there's a shark there or not.]
[He notices the melancholy look on the other's face, though, and nudges his shoulder.]
Hey. You alright? Sorry for the gloomy talk, again...
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Anyway it's fine they're all doing fine here. He blinks and looks up from where his hand is, and after a second, there's a little flicker of a smile.]
No need to apologize - I was just thinking about something. Shall we?
[INTO THE BOOTH. He'll lift up the little flappy thing with his free arm!]
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[He nods as he enters the booth, though now he's the one who looks a little melancholy.]
Were you thinkin' of someone you did this with? [And a pause, as he looks down at the screen.] The only time I did this was...with Byleth, y'know.
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I wasn't. [...] It's a good memory to hold on to, though, even if things can't be the same now as they were when you took the pictures.
[And they won't be, most likely, no matter what Byleth's reason for killing is. That's just the nature of taking a life.]
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[No one can. He'll reach over to tap at the screen.]
What were you thinking about, then?
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Memorial photographs, I suppose. The people we've lost... What it means to be remembered.
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[That's right. Sakyou not wanting connections...as if to erase himself from the lives of people. And yet photographs are lasting. A precious artifact, capturing a moment in time.]
[He pauses to look over at him.]
Those memorials for the dead...did you have a hand in making them?
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I did, yes. Though I only set up the flowers and the funerary rites... Everyone else has added the rest.
[It's touching honestly, even though it also punches him right in his wee heart.]
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[The memorials of the dead...he has found himself returning to them time and time again.]
[He leans in, budging his shoulder against the others.]
Are you ready for the pictures?
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[He'd wanted to bring a little peace to everyone, living and dead, by starting that - and he can only hope it succeeded at least in part.
He leans briefly back against Mandricardo then, nodding. TIME TO GO INTO THE BOOTH.]
I am, yes.
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[And they're in the booth! He'll straighten himself a little - can't be gloomy for these.]
Alright. Time to smile. Timer's countin' down.
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But!! No gloomy vibes here. Sakyou sits and folds his hands politely, though he'll also murmur before smiling:]
I never remember how long we're meant to wait...
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[It's going! And there's a few clicks as the camera goes off. Smiling boys!]
[For the last one, though, he blushes...and he suddenly turns to kiss Sakyou on the cheek.]
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Their last picture will be a very adorable one in which Sakyou looks mildly surprised, but like, in a pleasant way. It's a sweet gesture, and one he doesn't dislike, considering he's huffing out a soft little laugh as that surprise fades. The outside of the booth gets to whirring work, printing their photos. Are they still holding hands?? Were they holding hands this whole time, very funny.
Anyway, Sakyou is a terrible tease in his punkass heart, so he just leans into Mandricardo's side a little.]
Is that a memory you'd like to keep on hand?
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[He says, quietly, giving an unconscious squeeze to their hands. It's only now catching up to him that this is...sure a lot! A lot is happening.]
[He leans back.]
I saw you smilin' and I couldn't help it.
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...It's strange, and perhaps an unkind thing to say, given how many tears this place has wrung from other so far... But I think I've had more reason to smile here than I have in years.
[He feels guilty about it! Guilty as hell! But it's also not... entirely bad.
Very sad though perhaps considering how few and far between and very very tiny his smiles are even now.]
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[His own expression softens at that.]
Yeah. Honestly, for me...I don't think I even smiled as much when I was alive.
[When all he knew was war, and vengeance, and fury, there wasn't many moments where he could just...be happy.]
[But...he's happy now. Maybe he shouldn't, with all this death, all this drama, these manipulations, these tears, but...]
[He lifts up the others hand to kiss the back of it, like a knight would.]
You're...part of the reason for that.
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Thank god it's not emoshare week yet though because he'd be a hotass mess in this moment. A big ol' conflicting ball of emotions, some positive and most negative just because that's the type of creature he is.
His free hand raises, and he gently rests it against the side of Mandricardo's face for just a second.]
...Then I'm glad that I could at least do this much for you.
[It feels nice, knowing that you've brought something positive to the world. That you've made even one person smile.]
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[Because he always feels like he doesn't do enough. That he's never good enough. There Sakyou stands, and he wants to move the world with all of his might to make it okay.]
[He stares at Sakyou for a long moment, lips trembling.]
You're so beautiful, you know? [He always has been. Even from the very beginning.] I really just...I really just...I want to make you feel good.
[Even if its with a third-rate like him. He leans against that hand, voice wavering. It's easy to get emotional, his eyes glistening with tears.]
I want to kiss away all of your sorrow, and make you feel safe in my arms. I want to be strong enough for that.
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It's a terrible thing, for someone to want to treat you well when you believe yourself to deserve not a single scrap of good or comfort. It's awful to feel guilty for wanting to be selfish and enjoy it, and to feel selfish for wanting to turn it away. But what can he do?
What can he do, when every option and every action and every decision he makes seems to end the same way? With the people he's come to care for, upset and hurting?
It's hard to pick out a specific emotion after that stricken look passes. The hand against his face has stilled; after a moment, he gently pulls the other away from where it holds Mandricardo's, so that he can hold his face in both hands, like a careful cradle. I want to kiss away all of your sorrow. Could something like that be done? He doesn't think so.
But he leans forward anyway, driven by his selfishness and his own hurt, and - presses his lips just below one of Mandricardo's eyes, against the ridge of his cheekbone. Featherlight. He closes his own and sighs.]
...Please don't make a face like that for someone like me. It's too much.
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[Everything is too much. He's still reeling from the revelation about his Master, reeling from every death that comes to their door. Mandricardo thinks he's exhausted his library of emotion every day of every week, and still, this place brings more. It feels like a flood he can't help but drown himself in, and drowning would be a fitting fate, he feels. Just to drown, and not have to worry anymore.]
[He's expecting for the rejection, as always, because what little confidence he has won't allow him some measure of happiness without putting himself down, first. So the touch that comes, the kiss that's placed gently below his eyes, makes him tremble with shock and surprise.]
Then what face do you want me to look at you, with? I won't look at you with disdain, or hatred, if that's what you think.
[His own hand moves, cherishing, between Sakyou's hands to trail a finger down the side of his face. Goodness. He's hopeless, isn't he? His finger moves to press against the bottom of Sakyou's chin, and he closes the distance then, eyes lidded, as he kisses him properly on the lips, a sweet, gentle kiss.]
[He murmurs as he draws back, his cheeks burning, a tear trickling down his face.]
I couldn't. [And a sigh of his own.] I never could. You're...too important to me, y'know?
[Even after Byleth, it's funny. Maybe Sakyou could stab him in the gut, here and now, and...]
[He'd still be happy, even as he dies. What a lovesick fool he is.]
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And then it's over. He leans back, gently wiping at the tear with his palm, and then moving to pull his hands away.]
You're too stubborn and too kind. [Bluntly. Fondly. Exhausted.] ...I wish that you wouldn't be. Not toward me. I would feel more at ease with your anger or disdain, I think. Even your hatred.
[Because then, at least, he would know that Mandricardo could stay far outside of the exhaustive radius of destruction around him. He's more used to those things, anyway. Indifference at best, spite and fear and disgust at worst.
Warmth reminds him too much of the people who lead kinder lives, and deserve to keep those lives safe. Or simply those who deserve such things, if they don't already have them.
Like Kayo. Like Suzukake. Like so many others here, who his heart aches for.
There's a little flicker of a half-smile.]
I'll keep the memories you've been good enough to give me and take no more.
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[He is stubborn, yes. Hotheaded, like a bull, even though his uncertainty may seem like he's not. But he's sure now, frowning as he moves his hand away from the other's chin to tuck some hair behind an ear.]
You have to take more. I want you to take more. I only exist as something temporary, you know. When I die, I won't remember you.
[And it breaks his heart, to think that all of those memories will be lost, like water down a drain. Another tear trickles down his cheek.]
So for the time I'm here...I give you permission to have whatever you want out of me. I...want it, Sakyou. Because I don't...want to die knowing I didn't do enough for you. When you're happy...I'm happy.
[A kiss to his forehead, now.]
Please.
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It stings - it really settles under his skin like a splinter of metal, digging in and leaving him irate. Not at Mandricardo so much as himself, of course. At his own inability to easily turn down things that he knows he should. It gets harder and harder with each day to stick as strongly to his will to keep others at bay as he'd like. He'd talked about it before, once, with Kayo. If he stays in a dream for too long, then of course he would never want to wake up. It's a pleasant thought that he can't afford, and that he can't let anyone else suffer through on his behalf.
He watches the tear, folding his hands together to tamp down on the desire to reach out and wipe that away, too.]
You've already made me happy. Any amount is more than I would have ever expected, or could deserve in this life.
[There's a second where it looks like he might try for a smile, but he quickly abandons the notion and instead fixes Mandricardo with a careful look that gives little away.]
...I dislike the idea of you dying at all. I wish that there was some way to allow you to hold on to your memories, should you want to keep them, too... But if what you have is what you have, then I hope for it to be something you can think of well, should your last moments come. Do you really think the time you have now would be improved if I took up more of it?
[A rhetorical question, for the most part. He's still hoping Mandricardo will reconsider his stance even now, even after seeing how stubborn he can be.]
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[That's the thing with Mandricardo - that above all, he's sincere. He's bad at lying, and is blunt and to the point. He cannot manipulate, or pretend he is something he isn't. He's drawn to the sincerity in others, which is why betrayal hits as hard as it does.]
[With Sakyou, however, he can tell there's a troubled soul, there, like himself, who swims through the dark sea of self-loathing and restrained fury. He knows Sakyou wants to hide it, to put it away so that it won't hurt others, and that fact makes it hurt deep inside of his chest. Sakyou deserves...better. He deserves more. To turn and see something bright, and enjoy it like a precious jewel, even if its only for a little while.]
[Mandricardo lifts up his hand to wipe away his own tear.]
Maybe you might think me selfish for that. But what I do, I do for you, y'know? And...I'm greedy, you know. I want more of your smiles. I want more time to just sit with you, and spend time with you, and...see how you're at peace, even for a moment.
[A long sigh, his eyes turning down to the other's hands.]
I don't want more of this place in my memories. I've had enough of that. I want you. I...just want you. Everything that you are. Even what you see as your darkness. I want that too.
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