[He shrugs his shoulders up, bashful, but then his expression settles, and he just seems...distant. When he speaks, it's like he's reciting something.]
"There is nothing that suggests that in order to escape this place, we must love everyone equally."
[And a sigh.]
I feel like I've kept doing so much for everyone else that I looked over the fact that people did a lot of stuff that hurt me, even if it wasn't on purpose. I don't know. I don't...hate anyone here. Not really. But it's hard to look at some people the same way again.
... That's true. If you grew to dislike anyone, I think you'd be valid.
[ If anyone came out hating me, I'd accept it. There are also plenty of others he thinks are allowed to be forgiven. The mafia, despite all their lying, has gained his forgiveness at the very least... It isn't much, though. ]
Did you tell them about how you felt?
[ IS NIER SUDDENLY A THERAPIST, no. He's just... He wants to make sure Mandricardo is okay and if he has to ask a little more, then he will. ]
[also adds this thought Why would...anyone hate you...?]
...I did to Beau, weeks ago. But at the time, I think I messed it up. And I just...talked about how I didn't want to hurt her with my own emotions. And she said that was okay, it wasn't a competition, but...
[A beat.]
I think that was wrong. I mean...to see her goin' around with Otome like...she had done nothin' at all. That she didn't kill Wang Lu. That they both could have everything they wanted, and nobody dared to complain, and I was just...supposed to let it happen after seeing my boyfriend dead on a table. And Otome herself...
[He's just uncomfortable, now. It's hard, to talk about this mess of emotions.]
And now...I just feel maybe it's better for them that I don't get involved at all.
Yeah... That's tough. [ I understood why they went ahead with it, considering I thought Otome's days were numbered, but—he rubs his neck and sighs. ] I felt the same way with Byleth. I would have been angry for a long time.
It seemed like... We could just look the other way and absolve everything because it's for the greater good when we didn't know if it was true. I wanted to believe in the daycare, but I remembered the pain of each Friday when we get that notification. Suffering doesn't get erased just because people return. Consequences should be expected, including people's disdain for taking their loved ones.
[ Nier has made his peace with the mafia, because he cared more about bringing people back. ]
On Friday, I was going to ask you if you felt killing Sakyou's killer would have been justified, even if they were from that group. If life mattered so little that we could overlook it, it won't be too terrible to lose another killer.
[ Also, Nier is just biased? Because? He cared about Sakyou deeply? ]
Yeah. Yeah. And like, for a while, we didn't know daycare was even a thing. As far as we know, people stayed dead. And that was that.
[It's terrible, because Mandricardo still feels so deeply guilty about going against the grain. A part of him still wants to stuff everything down, play nice, because wouldn't that be better? Wouldn't everyone just be happy with him again?]
[Sakyou's killer...]
Hm. [And he frowns at that, deeply.] Were you? Well. I was angry, honestly, underneath everything. And I think I would agree with you. If they could make choices on who to kill...then it wouldn't be too much trouble to accept the consequences, right?
{It's an ugly thought, and he glances away.]
...But I promised Sakyou that I would never kill out of revenge. I wanted justice, of course. I've wanted justice throughout this whole thing.
[A beat.]
Everyone trying to protect their loved ones, and...you know, if Wang Lu had killed? I would have voted for him. I would have hated it. But...isn't that what the trials were for? To catch killers to keep us all safe? Maybe they were never about that in the first place.
Yeah, exactly. Some of us are more pragmatic than others, but we're forced to believe it because there was nothing else.
[ Nier does not feel as guilty at all—people should take back what was taken from them. If anyone killed Kainé, i would be sweating furiously Nier would not care about the lore anymore. He'd just be a wounded feral animal attacking every blond.
I can't believe Mandi gets this Nier isn't always nice and actually has bastard mentality lore. ]
The organized killers were willing to accept hatred, so that's fine with me. The guilt usually stays forever... But I also can't blame people for how they feel towards them, or for taking revenge.
[ VERY FUNNY ABOUT SAKYOU THOUGH. ]
... I don't know. We were told to play along by Kaoruko and by the dorm heads after they became themselves. If that's the case, it should have been. [ He pats Mandi's shoulder: ] For a villain, you're a good guy, Mandricardo.
[where is the au where nier ferally attacks every blond person damn]
[But he nods at that.]
I honestly....I honestly was planning to kill Byleth, after she was revealed. Not even necessarily out of revenge, but...I didn't want her to have to go through another murder. I thought at the time that she was brainwashed.
[Which was....not exactly what was happening, there.]
I would've taken all the blame. I didn't care. I knew I would...be in the wrong for that.
[He would've walked to his death like it was nothing. It was what he deserved.]
[The pat on the shoulder makes him blush, but the thought that comes after....makes it disappear as his face pales, slightly. She...murdered? Murdered who...? I guess...compelled...]
[What does he feel about that? He was annoyed at Dimitri for covering for Maya, and had voted for her regardless, because even if compelled, she did it. She did the deed. And now, he knows that Nier covered up something like that, and it...]
[He doesn't know, anymore.]
[This game....what is wrong? What is right? Again, another example. People are selfish. People are always selfish. Mandricardo put himself aside, time and time again, didn't even allow himself to be truly upset in order not to hurt others, and...]
[ WHY DID NO ONE KILL KAINE? would have loved to see nier challenge everyone's love for him ]
... It's fine. I considered killing her, too, but not for such nice reasons.
[ So............. ]
Yeah, she confessed earlier to killing Sieghart because of compulsion. She... Was the first case. She was ready to get caught and die. That was what she wanted and she refused help at first—and I...
[ I can't... Imagine my life without her. If she was gone, then I would have gone, too. I would want to be where she was. Nier frowns because he isn't sure if that depressing thought is projected. He doesn't want Mandricardo to hear his desperation, or to think he's looking for pity. ]
I think so because you're doing what you think is right to everyone. You're considerate of people. [ ... ] I acted selfishly in comparison.
[ At least Nier is aware he's a fucking hypocrite. ]
[Because. Looks at a certain epic poem. Sometimes, revenge is a Big Thing! Sometimes, you are pro-revenge! It's fine!]
And I...see.
[Nier...really loves her with all his heart, huh. That's true love, I guess. He sighs - it just makes him wonder, now, if him being willing to vote for Wang Lu in the case he ever did a murder would be heartless. He doesn't know.]
...No, no. I'm selfish deep down, Nier. I've got an inferiority complex, y'know. I'm envious of people and what they have. And I want to be a part of that. So I do my best to...be the best I can be. But I think I'm just...not made to be selfless in the first place. You really looked out for me, always. So that's real considerate, I think.
[ Sure. Mandricardo can see it as love because it is, but it's also codependency which is what Wang Lu and Mandricardo lack, apparently. Which is... Good for them? Killing is bad! Nier knows that.
Nier looks at him, frowning a bit at the complex bit since he does think you've only ever been a kind friend to me. ]
There's nothing wrong with being a little selfish... You deserve to want a little and be happy, Mandricardo. You know that, right?
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no subject
[ He laughs. Giant monsters easier to handle. ]
Mm... I don't know if we'll see each other again after we get everything done, so it would be your last chance. Not that I'm pressuring you.
[ He ruffles Mandricardo's hair. ]
If you don't want to, then you don't want to.
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[He shrugs his shoulders up, bashful, but then his expression settles, and he just seems...distant. When he speaks, it's like he's reciting something.]
"There is nothing that suggests that in order to escape this place, we must love everyone equally."
[And a sigh.]
I feel like I've kept doing so much for everyone else that I looked over the fact that people did a lot of stuff that hurt me, even if it wasn't on purpose. I don't know. I don't...hate anyone here. Not really. But it's hard to look at some people the same way again.
no subject
[ If anyone came out hating me, I'd accept it. There are also plenty of others he thinks are allowed to be forgiven. The mafia, despite all their lying, has gained his forgiveness at the very least... It isn't much, though. ]
Did you tell them about how you felt?
[ IS NIER SUDDENLY A THERAPIST, no. He's just... He wants to make sure Mandricardo is okay and if he has to ask a little more, then he will. ]
no subject
...I did to Beau, weeks ago. But at the time, I think I messed it up. And I just...talked about how I didn't want to hurt her with my own emotions. And she said that was okay, it wasn't a competition, but...
[A beat.]
I think that was wrong. I mean...to see her goin' around with Otome like...she had done nothin' at all. That she didn't kill Wang Lu. That they both could have everything they wanted, and nobody dared to complain, and I was just...supposed to let it happen after seeing my boyfriend dead on a table. And Otome herself...
[He's just uncomfortable, now. It's hard, to talk about this mess of emotions.]
And now...I just feel maybe it's better for them that I don't get involved at all.
no subject
Yeah... That's tough. [ I understood why they went ahead with it, considering I thought Otome's days were numbered, but—he rubs his neck and sighs. ] I felt the same way with Byleth. I would have been angry for a long time.
It seemed like... We could just look the other way and absolve everything because it's for the greater good when we didn't know if it was true. I wanted to believe in the daycare, but I remembered the pain of each Friday when we get that notification. Suffering doesn't get erased just because people return. Consequences should be expected, including people's disdain for taking their loved ones.
[ Nier has made his peace with the mafia, because he cared more about bringing people back. ]
On Friday, I was going to ask you if you felt killing Sakyou's killer would have been justified, even if they were from that group. If life mattered so little that we could overlook it, it won't be too terrible to lose another killer.
[ Also, Nier is just biased? Because? He cared about Sakyou deeply? ]
no subject
[It's terrible, because Mandricardo still feels so deeply guilty about going against the grain. A part of him still wants to stuff everything down, play nice, because wouldn't that be better? Wouldn't everyone just be happy with him again?]
[Sakyou's killer...]
Hm. [And he frowns at that, deeply.] Were you? Well. I was angry, honestly, underneath everything. And I think I would agree with you. If they could make choices on who to kill...then it wouldn't be too much trouble to accept the consequences, right?
{It's an ugly thought, and he glances away.]
...But I promised Sakyou that I would never kill out of revenge. I wanted justice, of course. I've wanted justice throughout this whole thing.
[A beat.]
Everyone trying to protect their loved ones, and...you know, if Wang Lu had killed? I would have voted for him. I would have hated it. But...isn't that what the trials were for? To catch killers to keep us all safe? Maybe they were never about that in the first place.
no subject
[ Nier does not feel as guilty at all—people should take back what was taken from them. If anyone killed Kainé, i would be sweating furiously Nier would not care about the lore anymore. He'd just be a wounded feral animal attacking every blond.
I can't believe Mandi gets this Nier isn't always nice and actually has bastard mentality lore. ]
The organized killers were willing to accept hatred, so that's fine with me. The guilt usually stays forever... But I also can't blame people for how they feel towards them, or for taking revenge.
[ VERY FUNNY ABOUT SAKYOU THOUGH. ]
... I don't know. We were told to play along by Kaoruko and by the dorm heads after they became themselves. If that's the case, it should have been. [ He pats Mandi's shoulder: ] For a villain, you're a good guy, Mandricardo.
[ I covered Kainé's murder and I'd do it again. ]
no subject
[But he nods at that.]
I honestly....I honestly was planning to kill Byleth, after she was revealed. Not even necessarily out of revenge, but...I didn't want her to have to go through another murder. I thought at the time that she was brainwashed.
[Which was....not exactly what was happening, there.]
I would've taken all the blame. I didn't care. I knew I would...be in the wrong for that.
[He would've walked to his death like it was nothing. It was what he deserved.]
[The pat on the shoulder makes him blush, but the thought that comes after....makes it disappear as his face pales, slightly. She...murdered? Murdered who...? I guess...compelled...]
[What does he feel about that? He was annoyed at Dimitri for covering for Maya, and had voted for her regardless, because even if compelled, she did it. She did the deed. And now, he knows that Nier covered up something like that, and it...]
[He doesn't know, anymore.]
[This game....what is wrong? What is right? Again, another example. People are selfish. People are always selfish. Mandricardo put himself aside, time and time again, didn't even allow himself to be truly upset in order not to hurt others, and...]
[Well. What a fool he was, huh.]
I'm not, really. But...thanks for thinking so.
no subject
... It's fine. I considered killing her, too, but not for such nice reasons.
[ So............. ]
Yeah, she confessed earlier to killing Sieghart because of compulsion. She... Was the first case. She was ready to get caught and die. That was what she wanted and she refused help at first—and I...
[ I can't... Imagine my life without her. If she was gone, then I would have gone, too. I would want to be where she was. Nier frowns because he isn't sure if that depressing thought is projected. He doesn't want Mandricardo to hear his desperation, or to think he's looking for pity. ]
I think so because you're doing what you think is right to everyone. You're considerate of people. [ ... ] I acted selfishly in comparison.
[ At least Nier is aware he's a fucking hypocrite. ]
no subject
[Because. Looks at a certain epic poem. Sometimes, revenge is a Big Thing! Sometimes, you are pro-revenge! It's fine!]
And I...see.
[Nier...really loves her with all his heart, huh. That's true love, I guess. He sighs - it just makes him wonder, now, if him being willing to vote for Wang Lu in the case he ever did a murder would be heartless. He doesn't know.]
...No, no. I'm selfish deep down, Nier. I've got an inferiority complex, y'know. I'm envious of people and what they have. And I want to be a part of that. So I do my best to...be the best I can be. But I think I'm just...not made to be selfless in the first place. You really looked out for me, always. So that's real considerate, I think.
no subject
Nier looks at him, frowning a bit at the complex bit since he does think you've only ever been a kind friend to me. ]
There's nothing wrong with being a little selfish... You deserve to want a little and be happy, Mandricardo. You know that, right?